Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Blackout? I'ld Rather Not

The only thing that has crossed my mind during this 100 degree weather is, well, nothing. I can't freakin think when it is this hot. I figured heat stroke was my biggest problem until a co-worker mentioned a blackout. BLACKOUT! It hadn't even occurred to me. What a horrific thought. I survived the Transit Strike of 2005, but I think a heat induced blackout would be one of those legendary New York things that would be the end of me.

The Village Voice published a list of the top 10 things you should do to prep for a blackout. While reading the helpful and humorous list, I was feeling like I could handle the B word until it got to the part about not riding the subway. DUUUUUUUDE!

Written by Jen Dole at VillageVoice.com Full article here.
1. Look around for Queen Elizabeth II. If you see her, stick with her, no matter what she says. Charm her. She's your ticket outta this hellhole.

2. Make sure you have old school implements like candles, matches, batteries, and a flashlight. Batteries go in the flashlight, candles get lit with matches. If you mess up, you will know it sooner rather than later, but don't come knocking on our door unless you have lots of #3.

3. Have a good, really good, stash of booze. In fact it's worth it to grab a case of something on your way home from work today. It's not gonna go bad, you know? What's a blackout for, if not to get blackout drunk? Also can be used for barters and illicit deals in case of necessity/you forget about #4.

4. Go to a cash machine, and hold onto the cash for once instead of spending it all in one place like your mom says you do. Stop thinking about your mom, it's a blackout. Call your therapist instead. Thank God you still have that landline.

5. Minimize your movements and find a cool, sheltered place outside of direct sunlight where you can daydream in peace about Edward Cullen.

6. Blackouts are the great equalizer. Short? Ugly? Candlelight makes everyone look good, and pitch black darkness is even better. We suggest using this moment to perfect your blackout pick up lines ("Is that you, Margaret?" "I've aways found you undeniably attractive...") Practice makes perfect. And rejection is so much better when you can't see your hand in front of your face. Bonus: Objects seem bigger when you can't see them. Trust us.

7. Ladies, the key to a man's heart is through his stomach. Have no-cook munchables handy, like fruit roll-ups and no-bake cookies. Good for keeping everyone's strength up, too!

8. Dig up that AM/FM radio and learn how to use it again. There will be a blackout song, and it might as well be yours.

9. Make a list of the worst places to be during a blackout (On the operating table? On the subway? Getting a tattoo?) and don't go anywhere near them until the mercury takes a dip, say, Thursday.

10. If you have a car, get in it and drive somewhere that has electricity as quickly as possible. Don't look back. You won't be able to see anything anyway.

Song of the Day
Today's song is Heat Wave from Martha and the Vandellas

1 comment:

  1. Haha. I am having flashbacks to the lovely walk to work through Central Park during the transit strike, but getting lost in the ramble. It was very very cold then though. I think the heat of a blackout scares me more. And congrats to 4 years with Matt! WOW!!!


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...